I have been thinking (since my Five-Day Lead Magnet Teaching last week) if fear of being seen online is linked to the inner critical voice ‘I am not good enough’?
I believe so, at least it was in my case, and it took me SO long even to dare to be seen online. It might be strange to people who know me, as I am an extrovert and a very social person, but I shy those situations.
Is it because English is my second language? Or could it be low self-esteem or self-worth?
I feel it is a little bit the language, but it is more about self-esteem and self-worth. Something happened when I was a little girl, something that wasn’t huge, but it changed my whole childhood when it comes to liking myself.
I had a haircut!
I was a pretty little girl with long blond hair, and I remember I was free as a bird running around playing with my hair flying around my face. That freedom was changed at the age of six when I needed to cut my long hair as it was too hard to maintain. I screamed like a pig (literally) when I got shampoo in my eyes, and it didn’t matter what my mum did; it was SO difficult to wash. I choose to cut it off, but I didn’t realise that my new haircut was going to make me look like a boy!!
My hair was really short, and from that moment I saw myself in the mirror, after the historical cut, I shut my ‘pretty self’ down. I tried not to be seen as I really didn’t like how I looked. It sounds trivial, but for a little girl, it was huge ‘losing’ her hair.
This chocking ‘new haircut in the mirror’ experience made me step back on class photos, trying to get out of talking in front of the class and getting a boyfriend in my teens. I wasn’t pretty enough, and by having those thoughts, I created a sort of quiet mantra which was ‘I am not good enough’ that popped up regularly.
I simply didn’t want anyone to see my ‘awful hair cut’ in the next 45 years to come…
Looking back at this photo below, I look quite cute and I send my younger self a big cuddle!
Fast forward to last week and me premiering in my new group Business Gems as a Facebook Live Woman… 🎥😲😨
I committed to showing up and be seen five days in a row, on a certain time and give valuable information to the women who had signed up.
I wanted to cancel it EVERY single day before I went live—the reason why you already know. But, I did it anyway and I loved it! It was so much fun and after the sessions, I felt empowered.
So what made me, all of a sudden, be brave?
Well, it was by no means a sudden thing. It was a long journey where I only took a step forward if I felt safe. Slowly I build my self-worth up, and it was a great feeling to back myself.
How did I do that?
I have many people to thank and it has been a mixture of remedies. Such as soulful talks with friends, inspiring mentors, influences of empowered women in the communities I am part off, clients who appreciate me, healings, talk to my ‘little Gigi’ and say she is beautiful no matter what self-love and self-care practices. And, last but not least, getting out of my own way!
There has also been a willingness to try, learn and grow. Also being in my 50th has helped as I find I don’t give a toss anymore what others say. (well, most of the time😉)
Has it ‘painful’ and hard sometimes? Yes, of course! It hurts to get out of one’s comfort zone.
But, lately, I have found myself doing it anyway, and it feels empowering.
Have YOU got something that has changed your love for yourself?
If so, I got one suggestion to get back on track with your self-love, which indirectly helps your self-worth. Something that makes it feel good every single time you go out of your comfort zone…
That is to have a nice inner chat after you try. No matter what. Don’t get upset if it didn’t go as you expected. Simply focus on the fact that you did your best at that particular moment.
Deep down, you want to follow your joy, have fun and connect with others.
That is all that matters and the rest will follow. Try to keep your expectations low and see where it takes you.
If you feel anxious about not being enough, think these words to yourself…
Who cares in a hundred years!
Do it anyway and feel good inside for trying.